In this blog series contrasting post-Christian culture’s understanding of marriage with the biblical portrait, we have been focusing significant time clarifying what the biblical understanding of submission means—what it IS and what it is NOT.  So far, we have seen that the Bible starts with Christ’s example of submission to His heavenly Father, and from there the husband follows pace by submitting to Christ and sacrificially serving his wife through living out God’s mission for his marriage, home, and life.  Then and only then, his wife can understand and “come under” (organize herself and her home around) God’s mission for her home and her husband’s spiritual leadership, while he faithfully submits himself to Christ (Ephesians 5:22-28; 1 Corinthians 11:1-3).

Oftentimes, too much attention is given to the wife’s side of the submission equation at the imbalanced expense of seeing the husband’s submission to Christ as the trigger that starts the process.  That’s why biblical submission is best understood as a three-tiered dynamic:

Christ is in submission to His heavenly Father’s mission for the church;

The husband is in submission to Christ’s mission for his home;

The wife is in submission to God’s mission through her husband’s sacrificial loving leadership towards her.

Husbands, do you know God’s mission for your life? Do you clearly see what God’s will is for your marriage and for your home?  Your marriage has the opportunity to declare God’s glory to the world.  Do not be shocked if there is friction, animosity, frustration, dissatisfaction and a fog of uncertainty coming from your wife if this issue is unresolved.  Biblical submission means you know what God’s mission is for your home and for your personal life.  If you know this mission clearly, it is your responsibility—and joyful privilege—to communicate it to your wife, allowing her to refine it, sharpen it, clarify it, organize it and beautify it in ways that bring glory to God.  That is what the “sub” in submission means.  It necessitates knowing God’s mission, then coming under it yourself and then communicating it to your wife in such a way that she sees, understands, refines, and embraces it with you.

The Ephesians 5:22 command for wives to submit to their husbands is “to the Lord.” It is the Lord’s mission, the Lord’s purposes, the Lord’s operation that is in sight here.  When a wife first sees the Lord’s mission through her husband, she can then organize, plan and help her husband make their home all that it was meant to be in Christ.  When the Lord’s mission is seen, understood and practiced in a way that shows His design, people within and outside the family will worship Him as the Lord of life and the home. 

When submission is first seen from the husband’s following Christ’s submissive-sacrificial example to accomplish God’s mission, then three practical, biblical directives help wives understand their role in the process.  These directives enable wives to ask in self-reflection, “Am I submitting properly to God’s mission for my home through my husband as unto the Lord?”

• 1) Wives, remember that there are restrictions in your submission.  Ephesians 5:22 states that wives are to submit “to your husbands.” Biblical submission is specific in its accountability.  “All” women are not commanded to come under accountability to “all” men.  The text is precise and possessive, “Wives, submit to your husbands.”  Only in the marriage relationship is one wife called to organize her home’s mission under one person—her husband.  Prayerfully, her husband recognizes this in his submission to Christ and guards his wife’s sole submission in a way that is liberating to her.

• 2) Wives, remember that there is one responsibility in this mission.  Ephesians 5:22 states that the wife’s submission to her husband is “to the Lord.” It is unto the Lord that the wife—alongside her husband—gives account.  God is the final authority to whom the wife and her husband stand.  All efforts in biblical submission must be done in a way that will please the Lord and show proper accountability to Him.  Since He is the Lord of heaven and earth, it is to Him that we give account of our lives.

• 3) Wives, remember that respect is needed in your submission.  Ephesians 5:33 says: “however, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”  Leadership in any realm can be challenging and difficult.  People realize that tough times mean hard calls and perplexing decisions that can be difficult to accept and/or understand.  Sometimes those decisions are made without complete information and knowledge.  It is in those times particularly but in all times especially that the wife is called to show respect to her husband.  During those times of difficulty, the husband needs to be sensitive especially of his wife’s needs and demonstrate Christ’s sacrificial love in sensible ways that reassure her of her value and place in God’s mission for the home.

The foundations for biblical submission lie in Christ’s obedience to His heavenly Father’s mission.  Flowing from that example, husbands are then called to love their wives sacrificially in the way Christ loved the church.  They show this sacrificial love best by understanding God’s mission for their life and home, and then by loving and empowering their wives to help them fulfill this mission in ways that show creativity, beauty and charity.  In performing this sacrificial love, the Christian home is founded upon grace and order, and wives are liberated to become all they were supposed to be by God’s design in God’s mission for God’s glory.