We are examining different aspects of the marriage relationship from the post-Christian culture’s concept to the one presented by the Scriptures in order to see which one is the most effective and the most enduring for securing an intimate, enduring, meaningful relationship.  Today, we contrast the post-Christian practice of co-habitation (living together in a “trial experiment”) with the biblical concept of living apart from one another while cultivating daily the relationship so that by saving and preparing themselves spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically for each other, a couple can experience a deeper, more meaningful spiritual, psychological, and emotional “oneness and mystery” with each another when the marriage relationship is consummated on their wedding day before God and witnesses.

According to the National Center for Family and Marriage Research (https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr.html):

Cohabitation has become a typical pathway to family formation in the United States. The share of young and middle-aged Americans who have co-habited has doubled in the past 25 years. Today the vast majority (66 percent) of married couples have lived together before they walk down the aisle. In 2013, about 5 million (or 7 percent) of children were living in cohabiting parent families. By age 12, 40 percent of children had spent some time living with parents who were cohabiting.

What facts emerge (social science statistics) that tell us something about co-habitation?

• Living together is considered to be more stressful than being married.
• Just over 50 percent of first co-habiting couples ever get married.
• In the United States and in the UK, couples who live together are at a greater risk for divorce than non-co-habiting couples.
• When evaluating relationships, couples who lived together before marriage tended to divorce early in their marriage. If their marriage lasts seven years, then their risk for divorce is the same as couples who didn’t co-habit before marriage.
• Co-habiting couples had a separation rate five times that of married couples and a reconciliation rate that was one-third of married couples.
• Co-habiting couples were more likely to experience infidelity.
• Compared to those planning to marry, those co-habiting have an overall poorer relationship quality. They tend to have more fighting and violence and less reported happiness.
• Compared with those who were married or unmarried and not co-habiting, co-habiting women and men were more likely to have no high school diploma or GED.
• Co-habiting couples earn less money and are less wealthy than their married peers later in life.
• Compared to married individuals, those co-habiting have higher levels of depression and substance abuse. 

In contrast, the Bible presents marriage relational preparation as living physically apart while cultivating on all four dimensions—spiritual, mental, emotional and appropriate physical (a non-intercourse and non-fornication, yet private, mutual-affection)—a growing, bonding connection so that while they are saving themselves for each other until the day of their wedding, they are also actively engaged in nurturing and fostering a deepening union with each other.  This dynamic contrast—saving themselves for one another while actively engaging each other on all four dimensions in the preparation—strikes a powerful combination in priming “each for the other” to enjoy relational “ecstasy and mystery” on the first night of their honeymoon, and for the early months and years of their marriage relationship.

Genesis 2 presents God “saving and preparing” Adam while fashioning a perfect woman for him, then bringing Eve to him at the proper time so that both of them experience the happiness of relational oneness, as they enjoy deep intimacy with no shame in the Garden while they related to one another and to God.

The Church is called to model, to teach, and to advocate this practice of “saving and preparing ourselves for each other” over against the post-Christian culture’s practice of co-habitation.  A past and present generation has found many times that co-habitation has failed in producing what they desired—intimacy.  A future generation needs, even wants role models that will show them the value of lasting, relational oneness.  But this will happen only by returning to the biblical pattern of “saving ourselves and preparing ourselves for each other.” In this light, the old adage is still true, “good things come to those who wait.”